a guy at school today was wearing this damn fine red nail polish and I heard these two girls whispering angrily and looking in his direction so I listened in expecting them to be weird about it and the first thing I hear is “how the HELL did he get it so good did he get it professionally done or something you need to ask him where he found that colour jesus fucking christ are you KIDDING me”
i have lost my pants
someone help me find my pants
they have disappeared
pants where are you
i hope they’re okay
throwback to when i was drunk and wrote this poem because i couldn’t find my pants
- me when i am mildly inconvenienced: thIS IS THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME
- me when i am legitimately hurt/distressed: no no it's fine i've had worse
run blog???? no!!!!
walk blog carefully
i didnt study for this
i wanna be pinned up against a wall
not exactly what I had in mind
the “no sleveless tops” american public school dress code policy is impeding on our 2nd amendment right to bare arms
- Wear shirt two times: Dirty
- Wear hoodie every day for three months: Still clean.
An asexual and pansexual become room-mates and have wacky adventures
The show is called ‘All or Nothing’
Plot twist: the asexual is really super outgoing and is a huge flirt while the pansexual is extremely socially awkward and has trouble ordering coffee let alone getting a date.
- Uterus: oh you have a completely full day of activity??
- Me: don't
- Uterus: and a sleepover afterwards??
- Uterus: hardly any breaks??
- Uterus: wouldn't it be a shame
- Uterus: if something were to
- Uterus: happen
Oh, so women can’t dress how they want because men can’t control their sexual urges? When dogs can’t control their sexual urges, we cut off their balls.
I think I’m onto something here.
- jesus: mom i told you i didn't want a big party
- mary: THE WHOLE WORLD WILL CELEBRATE EVERY YEAR